Game Review: The Long Dark

Shmoo and I play a game called The Long Dark by Hinterland Studio Inc.
It’s still in beta on Steam, and is multi-platform.

Shmoo bought the game for me a few months after he got it, because I used to constantly yell at him while he played that he was going to die because he wasn’t taking care of himself properly and it stressed me out. Mostly, he just wanted me to stop yelling at him.

Basically, as an online friend said when asking us about the game…”so it’s an eaten by a wolf sim?” Yes. Yes it is.

Funny things we’ve learned about Canada and survival:

Canadian flags are impervious to weather, wind, and geomagnetic disaster, also, they are always flapping perfectly in the wind, even if there is no wind. I am not even sure a nuclear blast could take out a Canadian flag.

Canadians drink a lot of soda. A lot. Summit Soda. Stacy’s Grape Soda. Orange Soda. It’s all soda, all the time!

You can’t freeze your food outside to preserve it, even though everything outside is frozen or on the way to becoming frozen. Because reasons.

You can’t take a car hood/trunk and make a sled out of it to tote all your heavy shit around. Also because reasons.

Standing beside a fire in your warm clothes doesn’t cause hyperthermia, even when the “feels like” temp gets up to 130(F) and you’ve been standing beside it for several hours.

Cooking 85 lbs of bear meat in a fishing hut during a blizzard is totally normal, as is shooting a bear twice, having it maul you almost to the point of death, and then finding it freshly dead on the road the next day after you’ve recovered some.

While I’ve always been of the (admittedly biased) opinion everyone in Canada knits, there’s actually not one fucking knitting related item in TLD. Items appear to be knit graphically, but then you repair them with cloth, so that’s just not so.

Actual game tips:

Start on Pilgrim, unlock all the zones. Get a feel for the basics of the game.

Condensed milk is your friend. high calories, long shelf life, low weight for what it offers.

Never pass up a cat tail. You can eat them, and use them to start fires. They are super light weight.

Birds mean dead bodies. Dead bodies mean you should go check for loot. Also did you know you can store shit on a corpse? It’s apparently a container.

Food poisoning won’t kill you, it just makes you weak (assuming you are at 100%). You don’t even have to medicate it, just go sleep it off. (Also, you sometimes get Food Poisoning from food you don’t expect to give it to you.)

It’s best to shoot a wolf just after he’s taken down/eating a deer, and then you get the skin/meat/gut from both. Doing it this way saves ammo and it’s easier to aim.

The best set of maps we’ve found:

Things we’d like to see added:

An auto-run button. My dog sleeps on my desk while I play. Our cat sleeps on my husband’s side. Sometimes it’d be nice to be able to allow my hands to rest and perhaps move an animal while I was walking straight in the game.

A sled/contraption for moving a lot of gear from zone to zone. You don’t necessarily want to stay where you start out.

Trash cans or the ability to trash things/clean up things like random trash in the floor etc, because seriously, it bothers me. (I won’t even begin to start on the dead bodies that just stay in the buildings with you, cause you know, breathing in decay isn’t bad for you. Nope nope nope!)

Also the ability upgrade/change items (like the bed) by pulling mats/blankets from other places (housing groups, cabins, etc).

Beer! (This is shmoo’s suggestion.)

Final thoughts:

It’s a beautiful game. The graphics are lovely and often you just find yourself stopping a moment to enjoy them.

I know the point of the game isn’t to become another Minecraft and that’s not the end goal of the game designers, but really, if my survival is on the line, I’m going to use all the skills I have to keep myself going, and I feel like currently a lot of those basic common sense skills are too limited.

That being said, we both have a lot of hours /played on this one, and it’s been well worth what we’ve spent on it, and it’s not even done yet. The final version is supposed to have a story mode that explains what’s gone wrong in this region of Canada and why you are stuck there surviving. I know we are both looking forward to that being complete.

Housekeeping has informed me your room is ready.

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
~W. C. Fields

Tuesday, February 17th, seemed pretty normal for most of the day. Shmoo got home about 15 minutes before me, grabbed the dog and took her out back to potty. When he got downstairs, there was water EVERYWHERE. So when I got home a few minutes later at 5:30, he was walking out to meet me, and everything was suddenly chaos and crap.

By the time an hour had passed the leak had been found, the plumbers had cut and repaired the pipe, and an insurance claim had been opened.
(Forgive the photo blurriness. They were taken with our phones cause it’s easy.)

The pipe that burst was nestled in between the two floors, so when it realized it was really upset about being frozen and fucked right off, the water just poured down the wall and flooded the entire guest room, out into the laundry room and was making it’s way towards the rest of downstairs when we got home.
water flowing the down in the walls

This is our souvenir.
the pipe
That tear that looks like a smiling mouth is not much wider across than a quarter. There was so much water and it was coming so fast into the other rooms, near as we can figure, the frozen spot only thawed shortly before we got home.

And here’s where the plumbers ripped out our friend the angry pipe…
the scene of the crime
Did you know that when you have a leak in your walls, they just start cutting holes in shit until they find where it is? Yeah.

I’m going to stop for a moment now, and show you a photo of our ceiling, just in case you missed the disaster it was all on it’s very own.
the most awesomest ceiling ever
Why yes, that is basically 1x12s around the edge of the room, with vinyl lattice work over black landscape fabric. And yes, it was totally awful and made everyone who looked at it state “what the hell? I don’t even know how to write this down…” and look at us all confused for an explanation. To which our reply was “We just bought this a little over a year ago, and it came like this. I’m sorry.”

So, back to the train-wreck… Basically everyone who has ever had pipes had one freeze the same week we did. So the water mitigation folks who normally would have been out that night or next day couldn’t come until Friday, and there were no other available companies in the area. We know this because we called a bunch of them. After 3 days of standing water, the carpet was certainly a loss and they ended up taking out one whole wall, one half wall, the rest of the walls to one foot up from the floor, and half the fabulous custom ceiling.
And this is what that looks like:
look ma, no walls!
and no ceiling too
Now, you’ve noticed that they took the walls, but not the insulation, which also got wet and had to be removed before repairs could actually start. This is because it was so damned cold while the water removal was happening that they were afraid it would lead to all the pipes in the house freezing if they took it out.

So if you’ve made it this far, I’m just going wrap this up by saying that we had a bit of back and forth with the insurance company and the restoration folks, and while I am not really happy with the restoration people, I’ll live. The repair work started on Friday, March 20th and they had guys out here for 4.5 days, and the last day was Friday, March 27th. It’s done. We’ve cleaned and gotten everything back into the room and all fixed up and now it’s ready for guests!

panorama from the doorway
panorama from the corner opposite the doorway

We love the room and are happy with the final result, which is good, because shmoo’s family is due in this week. They had planned to come out for Cherry Blossom Festival before the pipe incident and we’ve been feeling a bit of stress about getting everything done. But it is. The guest room is restored, my craft room is now also a secondary guest room, and later this week our new furniture we ordered several months ago will finally be here as well, which means the current sofa will finally make it’s long awaited move to the den/bar where it too can be an ad hoc bedroom.

It’s like we’re grown-ups or something…

Brooklyn Black Ops vs. Bourbon County Stout

For those who talk to me regularly, it’s no secret that I like stouts and my favorite stout is Goose Island (the bar, not what they sold to Budweiser) Bourbon County Brand Stout. It’s deep, dark, chocolaty, and at around 15% ABV, relatively strong. I treasure my bottles of this like the rare and delicate snowflakes they are. If I give you with a bottle, I must really like you, because I don’t give it to just anyone. My precious…….

For Christmas, I received a 750ml of Brooklyn Brewery Black Ops, which is also a bourbon barrel aged stout, and the guys at Perfect Pour (local beer store) told the lovely folks who gave it to me that it’s a good substitute for the Bourbon County Stout since it’s much easier to find because it’s less limited in production. (This is possibly not correct, as someone went back to pick up a bottle and it’s all gone and they don’t think they will ever get more, also it’s not on the Brooklyn Brewery website anymore.)

So I set up a side-by-side taste test and the TLDR version is yes, the Black Ops is an acceptable substitute for the Bourbon County, but no, it’s not the same by any means. If you can get the Bourbon County, do it. If you can’t, drink Black Ops, and you’ll still be happy.

The more detailed summary is that the Black Ops is a bit fizzier, and tastes less of bourbon than the Bourbon County. The Bourbon County, in addition to being stronger in ABV, isn’t fizzy, has a darker, stronger taste (chocolaty, espresso-like, other stout description words here….), and is a touch sweeter and perhaps that is what makes the bourbon taste more pronounced. There’s also that alcohol oil-slickness that it has that I rarely find in any other of the bourbon-age offerings out there. Overall however, if had not had them side-by-side at the same time, I don’t think I would have found as many differences between the two as I did. If I had done this a week apart from each other, I’d maybe think the Black Ops was fizzier but that would be it.

To give my opinion a frame of reference, these are the other stouts I really like:

Old Dominion Morning Glory Espresso Stout

Dogfish Head World Wide Stout
DuClaw Retribution (Pumpkin Retribution also worth your time!)


2014 Wrap Up


It’s the end of another year where I haven’t managed to post at least once a month, and when I realize that I haven’t posted here since May I feel a bit ashamed and depressed about that.
I’ve spent more time in the past year updating my site than I have posting.

I’d talk about my knitting but I haven’t finished anything since around May, and if you really care you probably already follow me on Ravelry anyway and can see the numerous things I have in progress that I haven’t finished.

Between Ravelry and Twitter, most of the things I have to say are on the internet without me posting here. I did do a post back at the end of September while we were at Derbycon but I didn’t actually finish or publish it and don’t much see the point now, so I won’t go back and do anything about it. I’m obviously going to have to find other things to blog about than my crafting since I am not crafting much anymore with any measurable progress. That’s ok, I can find other things to post about, I just haven’t done so because I didn’t want to change the nature of the blog. It’s obvious to me now however that either the blog changes or it’s going to die because I am not adding content I feel isn’t in line with crafting stuff.

2014 has been a good year for us. Shmoo and I are both happy and relatively healthy for the most part, even though we’ve officially hit middle age now. I was expecting to stress about that some, but it hasn’t happened. I am content, and I am not going to worry about it. Life is about getting older, it’s what happens in the natural progression of things. I can’t change physics, so if I am unhappy with the state of things, I can only change myself and my reaction to the things that bother me. Right now I am fortunate enough that not much really bothers me.

Daisy is still kicking around, despite being blind, mostly deaf, nerve damaged, and some days suffering from dementia. She can be extremely frustrating if she’s having a bad day, but I know that the time I have with her now is limited so even when it sucks, I need to appreciate that she’s still here and giving it all she’s got. I don’t think she’ll have another New Year’s Eve with me, and in fact both shmoo and I congratulated her at making it another Christmas this year, because we weren’t sure she would.

The cat is still an asshole, who occasionally gets pissy and tries to beat on the dog. And then is terribly upset with us for us yelling at him and running him off and blaming him entirely. It would be pretty comedic if we aren’t worried he’ll actually hurt her.

So, expect more posts I guess, about non-crafty things. I am going to try to post about things I would normally comment about on Twitter that I have to trim down to that format and see if that provides more content. We shall see.

Regardless, Happy New Year! I wish a safe and happy 2015 to you all.


Shmoocon 9 Staff Soap

Dear Shmoocon Staff Members,

I hope you like the soap and it helps you fend off becoming one of the smelly masses!
Thanks for helping to make Shmoocon great!


Ingredients: Coffee & coffee grounds, Coconut Oil, Canola Oil, Shea Butter, ground Oatmeal, Salt, Sodium Hydroxide, Fragrance*

Credit to @hackerhuntress for “please sanitize your inputs”
* -Scented with Sandalwood and Leather Frangrance Oils for a neutral, clean scent.

raw soap


all done

No July Knitting (nats vs baysox)

Because honestly, I’ve lost my knitting mojo this month. It’s too damn hot and humid to do much, if any, knitting. And so I haven’t knit.
What I have done however is go to two baseball games. So I shall tell you about those.

The first was on July 4th. We went to see the Nats play and had really great seats that we got for about 25 bucks off each. They were still 60 dollar seats though, and while my cheap little heart squeezed in distress at that, we wanted to go out and do something, and have it be a little special, and nice seats were a way of doing that. Nats stadium is very pretty as stadiums go and there’s really not a bad seat in the house. I did over all find it to be a bit too loud for me, and ended up with a massive headache and had forgotten to bring any Advil for just such an emergency. Nats stadium also has the advantage of being right there off of Metro. So we had metro’d in, walked the half block to the stadium, and bam we were there. No muss, no fuss, no paying to park (free metro parking due to holiday) and no having to deal with DC traffic. Metro does have the downside of making me motion sick on the best of days however, so while I find the convenience of it rather handy, I hate the actual riding on it. We watched the whole game, which had gone into an extra inning. The Nats actually won, and over all, we were not disappointed with our day out. It was just special/costly enough to be something we had done for the holiday and we enjoyed ourselves, despite the heat, headache, the really drunk dude heckling the Cubs’ pitchers constantly, and the insane costs of shitty beer and food (rough food estimates were around 50+ bucks total spent for 2 beers, and 2 bratworst (no condiments!). 1st beer was a 12oz an of Coors Light, 2nd was a Sam Adams draft also around 12 oz. I drank water, which they allow you to bring in one bottle each, unopened.)

The second game we went to was last night. We went to see the Bowie Baysox. They are the AA affiliate of the Baltimore Orioles, and they were playing the Nats AA team, the Harrisburg Senators.* We had 3rd row seats on the end of the row behind home plate. Our tickets were 14 bucks each and came with “free” food. (The would have been 11 bucks each without the “free” food option.) So we had two really good seats, dinner (a foot-long hotdog (with better/many more condiments stands than the Nats), a popcorn, and a bag of peanuts each), and a nice evening watching the game. Parking was free, and we got to drive there instead of having to use Metro, so I was already in a better mood once we arrived. Parking was also pretty darned close to the entrance as well, and it’s not like we got there that early. Beer choices were a lot better and a lot cheaper than at the Nat’s stadium, and the food choices seemed more diverse as well. And when shmoo came back from grabbing another beer, and me a lemonade, stating that he didn’t want to talk about the pretzel, because it had just fallen from the sky and into his mouth, I made him share it with me. And the pretzel was a damn sight better that the one I had at Nats stadium on Stitch-N-Pitch night back at the end of May. We spent around 35 dollars. (2 24oz beers, one was Molsen, the other was a Corona Extra, 1 pretzel, 1 Bicardo Mohito, 1 lemonade. I had the Mohito and Lemonade, and we were also able to bring in water. As for the “free” food, we ate a both of the hotdogs, about 3/4 of the popcorn and took the peanuts home.) The crowd was a lot better too. No one was being a drunk beligerant asshole, and the game was just as good as the Nat’s game we saw.** The Baysox won and traffic getting out wasn’t insane. We were back home, parked in the driveway less than 30 minutes later.***

So, after discussing it on the way home, shmoo and I both feel that the Baysox was better all the way around. (And not just because I remembered to bring Advil with me just in case. Which I needed, and was thankful I had it.) We don’t regret seeing the Nats like we did, but for future baseball urges, we are going Baysox. In fact, he even mentioned getting season tickets as a possibilty for next year. I am thinking we should just get an 8 game package myself, as 8 games over a 5 month period is probably enough for us. If we get really crazy, maybe we’ll do 11.

*- Some guy named Bryce Harper was playing for the Senators and people went nuts with the cameras every time he got on deck. Based on my google search last night after getting home, he was the Nat’s first round draft pick last year, and is up and coming or something.

**- I *might* be of the opinion that baseball is baseball so ymmv. It’s got a lot of downtime to it, and I remember when I’d go watch in college, we’d almost always take some homework to get done while we watched. It’s not that I don’t like baseball, I do, but if the teams are equally matched, and it’s not T-Ball level, then it’s pretty much the same to me. For me it’s more about geting out of the house, and away from the computer and enjoying being outside and watching a little ball while you are at it.

***- Also, Tuesday night was Tailgate Tuesday, which we didn’t participate in, but had we gotten there early enough to do so, it was 2 buck draft beers and live music from 5-7, with the game starting at 7.

Notes on camping. (Wall-O-Text crits you for 1k damage!!)

I am going to post some observations we’ve made about camping.
But first, an open letter to the family staying beside us this past weekend at Cape Henlopen State Park:

Dear Family Next To Us,

I know this may come as a shock to you, but some people actually read AND follow the rules of the campground they have chosen to stay in. You however, would not be included in either subset of the population. The basic tenants of camping involve not being loud ass-hats, keeping your pets on a leash, not making a lot of loud noises after quiet hours start, not collecting wood in the park’s forest when expressly forbidden, checking out on time, and knowing where your kids are. Most of these would fall under being respectful to your neighbors, but that last one…. it’s just a basic parenting rule, which alas you seem to be poor at also.

Breaking the camping rules, well, those are just dick moves, which shmoo and I will bitch about and mock you for, but this last one, it’s really inexcusable.

When your sister, Aunt Margie, came over with Creepy Kyle* because he wanted to introduce himself and meet the dog, that was fine. And when he went and got your dog, and your dog peed on our chair in our Canopy AND THEN peed on our dog, well, these things happen, especially when you fail to keep your dog on a leash, as per the campground rules. I shall not berate you for the dog being a dog, it happens. Your failure to control his behavior in other ways is all on you, but this is not. But I digress…..

When exchanging casual “where are you from?” information with Margie, I mentioned that Daisy was an older dog, and that she was unused to kids because we did not have any, and we were just there camping to relax. I thought this made it rather clear in a polite way, that we really didn’t want to get involved with your children. We didn’t want to watch them. We didn’t want them at our camp, asking us questions and touching our things with absolutely NO supervision from you. And newsflash, just because YOU said it was OK to come to our campsite, that doesn’t mean it’s OK. You need to teach your children to ask, or better yet, you should have come with them to ask. God forbid you teach your children courtesy and respect for others space, property, and time. And that’s not even taking into account that you had 2 children and 5 adults at your campsite, and yet, you couldn’t seem to keep track of where the children were, no matter how many times you lost them. I am now very familiar with little Donna*’s entire name.

Yes, that’s right, I know your children’s first, last, and middle name.
Me, the stranger you let your children wander off to harass numerous times because you couldn’t be bothered to be a parent.
Me, the stranger who could have taken your children and done unspeakable things to them were I a bad person, and you wouldn’t have even noticed until well after it was too late.
Me, the stranger who has the power of the internets and could use their names to find you, all of you.
Feeling a little skeezed out yet? You should.

Because, get this, it’s not just nice people who go camping. And while yes, most people are friendly, and I don’t believe in raising your kids to be afraid of people, perhaps instilling in them a bit of caution would not be a bad thing. The childless couple beside you might not be a nice one next time.

With respect, though you showed us none,

*Names of the kids have been changed because it’s not the kid’s fault the parent’s a douche.

Now then, things we’ve learned about camping:
1. Don’t go on Friday, leave on Monday instead.– Sunday night was the nicest night there. It was peaceful and quiet. The grounds were mostly empty. Everyone was spaced out enough that you weren’t all up each other’s butt, and traffic coming on Monday day was light because most everyone else was at work. If you are taking day off to make it a long weekend, make it a Monday (non-holiday monday’s please!) instead of a Friday. You’ll not regret it.
2. Get some damn tiki torches.- not for the light, but for the bug repelling oil they burn. Set up a perimeter around your camp and keep those fuckers burning. Because as it turns out, if you don’t and someone else does, it just runs all the bugs over to you and no amount of citronella candles and deet spray are going to keep you from getting eat up in mosquito bites. Ask me how I know this. *scratch scratch*
3. Having a tent with a little “porch” area really helps keep the bugs out of your tent.- This is, of course, more important when it’s the only bug free zone you have. We downsized to a smaller tent with a little screened in porch, and it’s made a huge difference for keeping the bugs out and making sleeping more peaceful. It’s also a good place to stick the dog’s water bowl at night. I miss being able to stand upright in our tent, and the extra floor space for storing crap, but really, we didn’t need that extra space and being bug free is far nicer.
4. Taking the dog’s crate keeps her happier and us less stressed in dealing with her. – It gives her a place to stay where she feels safe and can still look out at the world and watch everything, and provides a way to confine her that a leash or line just doesn’t match. Don’t leave home without it.
5. A roof rack is freaking awesome. – Not only does it give us more cargo room, it also allows us to go ahead and put things up when packing up, and still have the tent and bug canopy standing so that they can be the last things to come down without affecting how we load the Jeep.
6. Put a tarp under your tent.– That way, when you take it down and need to roll it up, and you still have crap on the table, so you end up rolling it up on the ground, you can still do a neat job and not roll a bunch of dirt in with the tent.
7. Store the trash where the squirrels can’t get it.- Because otherwise, you wake up to bag rattling at night, and then in the morning you find a corncob and a halfbag of giant marshmallows by the tree behind your camp.
8. A cheap shower curtain is a most excellent table cloth.- No seriously. I got a cute printed one for 9 bucks. It’s ok if it gets wet, and it’s sponges off easily. It’s also a bit thicker than the “camping set” table cloth you can buy so it’s sturdier. And while I had wanted to sew an oilcloth one, I couldn’t even get the fabric to do so for 9 bucks.
9. If you are over the age of 20, just go ahead and get an air mattress.– Really. Do it. Your back, and various other body parts, will thank you for it. Sleeping on the ground is uncomfortable and painful, and leaves you sore once you get past a certain age. And having a good night’s sleep makes you appreciate the days activities better.

That’s about it. If you are of a mind to go camping, hopefully some of these tips can help you out. We go a few times a year now, and we’ve gotten fairly decent at it. Or at least, we have a system that works for us, but we learn/think of new things all the time that would make the next trip better. The trick is to find a balance somewhere between “hey that would be really useful so we should take it” and “we have packed everything we could possibly want or use so it’s just like home except it’s not” because in my mind, camping is something that should take you away from home and ALL the comforts there of, but it shouldn’t be a miserable experience, otherwise, why would you want to go?

Sick of Snow.

So.. it snowed a lot in D.C. this past weekend. LIke.. 3 feet or so.

Check this time lapse someone did of all the snow.

This past weekend was also shmoocon. Which I wasn’t attending this year, but shmoo was going to, until he had to cover for people not showing up to work and worked 24 hours straight. So he missed his own con. :/ We went into D.C. Friday night when all this had started to have dinner with friends, but ended up having to eat at McD’s because Lebanese Taverna had closed and canceled our reservation and then the Metro was closing all above ground rail service so we didn’t have time for nice dinner before we had to get out, or we’d have been stuck. And at that point, shmoo already had people calling in on him, so we knew we had to get out.

And then, our neighbors went crazy digging out themselves and blocked many of the rest of us in. And even the road in our cul de sac so badly that the plow can’t get through at all.

And now it’s snowing again. AGAIN. Like.. 20 more inches again.
So that’s almost 5 feet of snow in less than a week. And neither myself nor D.C. are really prepared for this kind of thing.
And the plow… still can’t get back through our road. Have I mentioned how much I like my neighbors?

But I took some pictures of all this crazy, and now I am trying to convince shmoo that we really need to move back to Ga, and that he would like it there. I could be lying to him of course, but I don’t like Maryland anymore. Not. One. Bit.


More photos HERE.


So, like.. it’s cold. Fall is definitively here and I just want to say, I’d like a little more of cool late summer back please!

Vacation was good and much needed.

I got yarn.

And new awesomely awesome shoes, which it is now too cold to wear….

And my mom caught a really big fish. (They said it was a King Mackerel, but to me, fish is fish is fish, and it’s all yuck, so…yay fish or something.)

I love my family, and I miss Georgia in a bajillion numerous ways and when I land at Hartsfield airport, even though we are just passing through, it still feels like I am coming home. But vacation always puts things back into perspective, and while I miss many things about Georgia and missing seeing my family, I know that I am happier not living too close to them. I am not any easier to live with than they are mind you, but my quirks are different. And a lot of the things that send me right up the wall are things they don’t even notice, and vice versa.

I am not sure when shmoo and I developed an exclusive language that no one around us can understand, but it seems we have. I guess you just notice more when around others. And! He’s seen how crazy my family is and understands that I will be that crazy someday, and in fact am often at least halfway there now, if not more. And he still loves me!

Camping and Car Rental…

We went camping at Assateague this past weekend. Didn’t take any photos, but had a relaxing time none the less. It was a good trip, with one exception…

The rental car and the douchebag* at the local Enterprise Car Rental Agency.

First, we got there and he had us sit down at his desk, which was covered in papers and notepads with other peoples’ names all over them.
I handed him our reservation.
He proceeded to “just get this entered in” and had the personality of a wet mop.
THEN when asking about additional drivers, and I stated that shmoo and I were “domestic partners” he said, “So you’re married.” And I said,
“NO. We are domestic partners, and according to the reservation that’s fine, and there’s no additional charge.” So he looks to another guy to confirm this and the guy did.
So, that pissed me off right to start with. And from this point on he kept looking at the guy every two minutes or so as if to say “can you believe these people?”

Then he overcharged us, but I didn’t say anything, I just figured I’d sort it out with corporate later. Because I was already mad, and we just wanted to go on our trip.
And then he takes us out to the car, and insults us more in other minor ways there. He’s very condescending over all. Which I don’t understand. I mean, sure, we are dressed like we are going camping, but I am not sure how that determines how you get to treat me as a customer, AND doesn’t give us the car we asked for on the reservation, or even the same type, and while I am looking it over and questioning the space he’s like “yeah I upgraded you, because we were out of the size you reserved.”

1. I reserved it over a month ago so there is no excuse for not having the damned car I wanted, they knew I was coming.
2. He had us pay BEFORE he told us it was an upgrade.. wtf. Had he told us this before hand, I would have canceled and walked out. My car would have worked just fine for our trip. We had reasons for reserving what we did. We wanted to try a specific type of car to see if we liked it and wanted to buy one, and to get better gas mileage than just taking my car.
3. The car was dirty. Both outside, and in. And he blew off the dirt inside when we were going over the car saying that it didn’t matter, he was just looking for burns. And by he, he meant us. Then he recorded what we said poorly. And since it was raining, I couldn’t tell that the leaves and stuff stuck to the car weren’t that way because of the rain, but because the entire back window of the car and the rear passenger side was covered in sap. Sticky, gross, sap. It got on your clothes and hands any time you opened the back passenger door, and it impaired my rear view because it covered the WHOLE BACK WINDOW. Srsly. I shit you not. I couldn’t see anything but hazy colors out the back window. It made lane changing a blast let me tell you.
4. No wiper fluid in the car. At all.
5. The car had a 1/4 tank of gas. Who rents a car out with only a quarter tank of gas?

I’ll tell you who.

Enterprise Rent-A-Car
SILVER SPRING, MD 20904-1669

So, should you be in Maryland, and wish to rent a car, don’t go there. You’ve been warned.
(I have been assured by corporate that Enterprise dealerships are independent, and if they lose all their customers for crap service, Enterprise Corporate will NOT bail them out, so I won’t say don’t use Enterprise at all, but this office can stick it.)

I was so angry about this whole debacle that I waited until Friday afternoon to call Enterprise corporate because I wanted to be sure I wasn’t screaming and frothing at the mouth when I talked to them. Luckily, the guy I got was very nice and very understanding, and when I told him EVERYTHING, he was insulted for me.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I get to go turn in this car and scream at Enterprise.
(Shmoo is not coming in with me, he’s just coming to pick me up and bring me back to the house for my car. He said if I am still slamming the guy’s head into the desk when he drives by, he’ll just keep circling.)
((Yes, I am still that angry.))

*- douchebag’s name is Bill. At least, I think it is. He wrote Bill in big childlike letters at the top of my invoice, and I am not sure if that’s his name, since he never gave it to us nor was he wearing a name tag, or if he was trying to tell me that the invoice was my bill, because he thought we were stupid. If it’s the latter and not the first, I seriously might lose my shit this morning upon turning the car in.